I wept hard today.

I just completed my first full 24 hours in Baghdad, Iraq, and already I’ve attended my first memorial service here, honoring a fellow Airman who was killed Monday.

He died while driving in a convoy, hit by an improvised explosive device, or IED. The IEDs are usually big bombs hidden or buried in the road set off by remote control, cell phone, pressure sensor, or the like. The majority of U.S. deaths in Iraq are from this type of bomb.

Though I don’t know him (yet) I look up to this man who we honored today. I heard his story. Staff Sgt. Self volunteered to come to Iraq, so when his unit commander asked him if he was sure, his reply was simply, yes. He told his commander “God is my savior and we can’t control when we die.” His flight sergeant also quoted him saying, “If it’s your time, it’s your time.” His peers and chief lauded him as a person who feared God. He died living out in action what he said in words.

The bugler played taps. After this they played a bagpipe version of Amazing Grace, and when the music stopped his flight sergeant stood up and began to call out names. These were the names of the people in Sgt. Self’s flight. After each name came the reply “Here Sergeant.” Finally, he called out, “Sgt. Self.”

Nothing.

Again, “Staff Sgt. Self!”

Only silence.

A third time he cried out, “STAFF SGT. JOHN T SELF!”

This time there was an answer, though not the voice of Sgt. Self: Outside the honor guard shot their rifles in response.

I am in tears now, again, as I write this – not for John Self, he is with Christ. I weep for his family, who must be mourning in a way I do not know. However, the tears I shed for Sgt. Self are happy tears, because he has reached the goal. His team members said Sgt. Self believed in what he was doing here. He was here to serve God first and try to make Iraq better.

As far as I’m concerned, there is no better way to die.

Modern ‘foot washing’

My wife knows the meaning of modern foot washing. She is from Korea, so she is living in Virginia with me on a Green Card (Permanent Resident Card). Because of this, she has not yet got a job – and now that I’m leaving for Iraq, we decided to wait until my return for her to find work.

I, on the other hand, work all day on the military base. She is ready to talk when I return, and too often, I am tired and want silence after working all day with people. I do my best to understand this and I try to spend quality time with her at day’s end.

On a recent day however, I was pushed to my limits at work. People were demanding, I was behind on a project, and I had a mound of homework waiting for me at home. Kyoung can tell when I come home burned. I got home late this day, and she saw my face. Then she ushered me away to do homework while she prepared dinner, again by herself.

We ate. I couldn’t talk much because my brain was pushing against my skull. I felt a sore throat threatening to break into a cold. After eating, I finished off the last of my homework. It was only 8:30, but I just couldn’t squeeze any more energy out.

“Kyoung,” I said with sigh. “I’m too tired to do anything else. I’m so sorry. I just want to go to bed.” She understood me; despite her loneliness and desire for company she put me before herself and encouraged me to sleep.

As I closed my eyes back in the bedroom, I heard her start washing dishes from dinner. I hated myself. But sleep took over fast. And after this I had only one more waking moment before sleeping through the night.

I had already fallen asleep for about 30 minutes, but was awakened from someone touching my palm.

It was my wife, Kyoung, applying lotion to my dry hands. She then put Carmex on my chapped lips. “Who is this you gave me to marry, God?” I thought. “What kind of woman is this who forgets herself for me?” This is who my wife is: a servant of God. She treats me like she would treat Jesus were he here. I have a lot to learn from her. God help me to be like that to her, and everyone I know.
If you are reading this and have other examples of great service, please share them with me so we can all benefit.